Topic: THE JOKE THREAD!

[Chrono]

Here's one my friend made up:

Elmo, Barney, and Big Bird were on a magical flying ship. Elmo throws Big Bird over saying, "There's enough of these in our country!" Barney says the "f" word and get's kicked off. So, when Elmo arrives at Neverland, Peter Pan tells Elmo to go away. When he refuses, Peter Pan stabs him in the chest.

[snapback]265377[/snapback]

Um. Um. Um. I dont get it...

A Mexican, American, Iraqi, and Chinese person are falling in a hot air balloon. They toss a few things overboard to try and lighten the load. The Mexican throws a burrito overboard.
"We have a lot of those in our country."
The American tosses the Mexican overboard.
"We have a lot of those in our country."
The Chinese man throws opium overboard.
"We have a lot of those in our country."
The Iraqi throws a bomb overboard.
"We have a lot of those in my country."

As they gently land, the American man (a news reporter) talks to witnesses.
He approaches a teen, looking angry.
"What's wrong?"
The teenager replies, "There's snow all over my car, dude!"
Frustrated, the delinquent sniffs some.
"Wait, this isn't snow, it's--"
Then drug-sniffing dogs jumped all over him, and eventually bite.
The reporter moves on and talks to a preacher, who is crying.
"Did something happen to you?"
The holy man looks at him and says, "Part of a burrito and a Mexican landed on me! I swear it must be God's punishment!"
"For what? Wait, I don't even want to know."
The American steps back and runs to a little kid, who is calling for his parents.
"Did something happen to them?"
The kid cries, "I farted and our house blew up!"

[snapback]265592[/snapback]

Thats just a long way of saying a different joke. The one with a guy that throws a loonie, the other guy throws two loonies, and some other guy throws a bomb...

[abney317]

Is it hard to guess Patrick's favorite dessert??

No, it's a piece of cake.

[Seraphi]

Oh well. I got that from a friend. :closedeyes:

[Rabble]

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

[Elizabeth Rose]

Sorry for the caps.  I found this joke this way.

I promise you cannot read these and not laugh out loud. These are
REAL notes written by PARENTS to the School...(Spellings have been
left intact.)


1-- MY SON IS UNDER A DOCTOR`S CARE AND SHOULD NOT TAKE PE TODAY.
PLEASE EXECUTE HIM.

2-- PLEASE EXKUCE LISA FOR BEING ABSENT SHE WAS SICK AND I HAD HER
SHOT.

3-- DEAR SCHOOL: PLEASE ECSC`s JOHN BEING ABSENT ON JAN. 28, 29, 30,
31, 32 AND ALSO 33.


4-- PLEASE EXCUSE GLORIA FROM JIM TODAY. SHE IS ADMINISTRATING.

5-- PLEASE EXCUSE ROLAND FROM P.E. FOR A FEW DAYS. YESTERDAY HE FELL
OUT OF A TREE AND MISPLACED HIS HIP.

6-- JOHN HAS BEEN ABSENT BECAUSE HE HAD TWO TEETH TAKEN OUT OF HIS
FACE.


7-- CARLOS WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY BECAUSE HE WAS PLAYING FOOTBALL. HE
WAS HURT IN THE GROWING PART.


8-- MEGAN COULD NOT COME TO SCHOOL TODAY BECAUSE SHE HAS BEEN
BOTHERED BY VERY CLOSE VEINS.


9-- CHRIS WILL NOT BE IN SCHOOL CUS HE HAS AN ACRE IN HIS SIDE.


10-- PLEASE EXCUSE RAY FRIDAY FROM SCHOOL. HE HAS VERY LOOSE VOWELS.


11-- PLEASE EXCUSE PEDRO FROM BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY. HE HAD
(DIAHRE, DYREA, DIREATHE), THE SH**S. NOTE: [WORDS IN ( )`s WERE
CROSSED OUT]. (Love it!)


12-- PLEASE EXCUSE TOMMY FOR BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY. HE HAD
DIARRHEA, AND HIS BOOTS LEAK.


13-- IRVING WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY BECAUSE HE MISSED HIS BUST.


14-- PLEASE EXCUSE JIMMY FOR BEING. IT WAS HIS FATHER`S FAULT. {You
know, this could be legit!}


15-- I KEPT BILLIE HOME BECAUSE SHE HAD TO GO CHRISTMAS SHOPPING
BECAUSE I DON`T KNOW WHAT SIZE SHE WEAR.


16-- PLEASE EXCUSE JENNIFER FOR MISSING SCHOOL YESTERDAY. WE FORGOT
TO GET THE SUNDAY PAPER OFF THE PORCH,! AND WHEN WE FOUND IT MONDAY.
WE THOUGHT IT WAS SUNDAY.

17-- SALLY WON`T BE IN SCHOOL A WEEK FROM FRIDAY. WE HAVE TO ATTEND
HER FUNERAL.


18-- MY DAUGHTER WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY BECAUSE SHE WAS TIRED. SHE
SPENT A WEEKEND WITH THE MARINES. {I absolutely LOVE that one!}


19-- PLEASE EXCUSE JASON FOR BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY. HE HAD A COLD
AND COULD NOT BREED WELL.

20-- PLEASE EXCUSE MARY FOR BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY. SHE WAS IN BED
WITH GRAMPS.


21-- GLORIA WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY AS SHE WAS HAVING A GANGOVER.


22-- PLEASE EXCUSE BRENDA. SHE HAS BEEN SICK AND UNDER THE DOCTOR.


23-- MARYANN WAS ABSENT DECEMBER 11-16, BECAUSE SHE HAD A FEVER,
SORE THROAT, HEADACHE AND UPSET STOMACH. HER SISTER WAS ALSO SICK,
FEVER AN SORE
THROAT, HER BROTHER HAD A LOW GRADE FEVER AND ACHED ALL OVER. I
WASN`T THE BEST EITHER, SORE THROAT AND FEVER. THERE MUST BE
SOMETHING GOING
AROUND, HER FATHER EVEN GOT HOT LAST NIGHT.

[abney317]

What is the saddest fruit??


The Blueberry.

[Rabble]

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Finland. Now Santa Claus is missing.

[spongebobnet]

none of them made me laugh

[abney317]

What do U get when U cross a pig and an octopus??

An oinktopus.

[The_Man]

Here's one my friend made up:

Elmo, Barney, and Big Bird were on a magical flying ship. Elmo throws Big Bird over saying, "There's enough of these in our country!" Barney says the "f" word and get's kicked off. So, when Elmo arrives at Neverland, Peter Pan tells Elmo to go away. When he refuses, Peter Pan stabs him in the chest.

[snapback]265377[/snapback]

Not funny. At all. Me, my jokes stink. I liked the one elizibeth rose posted.

[spongebobnet]

Here's one my friend made up:

Elmo, Barney, and Big Bird were on a magical flying ship. Elmo throws Big Bird over saying, "There's enough of these in our country!" Barney says the "f" word and get's kicked off. So, when Elmo arrives at Neverland, Peter Pan tells Elmo to go away. When he refuses, Peter Pan stabs him in the chest.

[snapback]265377[/snapback]

good one.i liked that one :laugh:

[abney317]

Where did the seaweed find a jod??

In the "Kelp Wanted" ads.

[spongebuddie]

i heard this one from a guy in my comp app class it's eh I don't know lol
3 naked guys are running in a circle (one leading and the rest following).... one stops
thats it lol kina odd but its all i could remember

[abney317]

When Is SpongeBob like a bell???

When he's all wrung out.