A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Their domestic tranquillity had long been the talk of the town. A local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.
"Well, it dates back to our honeymoon," explained the man. "We visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon by pack mule.
We hadn't gone too far when my wife's mule stumbled. My wife quietly said ''That's once.'
We proceeded a little farther when the mule stumbled again. Once more my wife quietly said, 'That's twice.'
We hadn't gone a half-mile when the mule stumbled a third time. My wife
promptly removed a revolver from her pocket and shot him.
I started to protest over her treatment of the mule when she looked at me and quietly said 'That's once.'"
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My husband, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods.
We've discovered that when I'm in a good mood, it turns a beautiful
blue-green.
When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a big red mark on his forehead.
Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond.
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A man and a woman are having an illicit afternoon tryst when the woman's husband comes home. The man, hurridly hides in the closet while he nervously listens to the husband talking to his wife in the next room. Out of the darkness, he hears a tiny voice say, "Gee, it's awfully dark in here"
"Who's that?" whispers the man.
"That's my mom and dad out there and I'm gonna scream", says the voice.
"No, please,"said the man. "If you stay quite, I'll give you twenty dollars"
"I don't know", said the boy, "I think I ought to scream"
"Look, I'll give you fifty dollars"
"Nah, I think I should tell my dad"
"Look, kid. All I have is a hundred dollars, please take it and keep your mouth shut"
The little boy agrees to take the money and stay silent. Later on, he was shopping with his mom and saw a bicycle. "Mom", said the boy, "can I buy that bike?"
"that's almost ninety dollar's honey" said the mom "you don't have that kind of money"
"Sure I do" said the kid I have a hundred dollars.
"Where did you get that kind of money?" asked the mom
"I don't think I'm allowed to tell you" said the kid.
No amount of urging or threatening could get the boy to tell his mother where he got the money. Finally, in desperation, she took him to the priest. "Father", she said, "I'm afraid that my son stole some money but he won't tell me where from"
"Place him in the confessional", said the priest. "I'll talk to him.
"The little boy went into the confessional, looked around and said, "Gee, it's awfully dark in here"
The priest slammed back the screen and said, "Look kid, don't start THAT crap again"
Enjoy.
